the importance of inhaling when travelling solo

“Now it's time to inhale. There is the in-breath and there is the out-breath, and it's easy to believe that we must exhale all the time, without ever inhaling. But the inhale is absolutely essential if you want to continue to exhale.”

– extract from Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness.

For those who know me, I’m pretty big on self-growth. If anything I’m too self-critical and so dedicate time to learning about myself and aiming to be better than yesterday, even if just in a small way. I don’t always succeed, I’m absolutely not perfect, I don’t expect to ever go from being wrong to being right without a care in the world but it’s a process of continuous development.

Recently I read Brené Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness (although also fell completely in love with Genene Roth's 'This Messy Magnificent Life' at the same time). Anyway, Braving the Wilderness - in this, Brené Brown describes an occasion whereby she was powering through, despite being exhausted. Her friend provided her with the above advice.

Whilst in a desert in Rajasthan, during which I finished the book, a woman asked me about it and I mentioned the above – what a powerful observation I thought it was and how I would aim to remember it moving forward.

The thing is, when travelling solo and for extended periods of time, people often assume that every day is like the weekend, but this simply isn’t true. If anything, every day is, to an extent, like a work day. Unless you are in a location for a number of days and can really settle in, you are constantly planning your next move and how to achieve it – Which bus to I need to take? Ok so I need to go and book that. It’s not free? Rats, how flexible can I be? Where should I stay? Ok, so I need to book that too. One day, two, three? Hmm let’s assess that one. Maybe I’ll move on sooner than I thought, maybe I’ll stay longer. Wait, you think I should absolutely, without fail visit that random town I’ve never heard about and hadn’t factored into my plans? How will that impact my budget? Holy F**K I spent how much on wine last night? MUST RECALCULATE, stop telling myself that it’s practically the same as eating a grape salad and remember that even Jesus was perfectly happy to start with water – granted he was far more talented than I am.

Not to mention the networking – unless you’re happy to be rude, you’re forced into interacting with people constantly, whether you like it or not, and with that comes a level of social etiquette. Gone are the days when I can sit with my best friend in complete silence for hours and know that we have 27 years of conversation behind us, so it’s fine. If you want to meet people, you have to talk, be social and be the best version of you, at least initially.

Furthermore, the lack of structure can be a blessing and a curse – whilst providing huge amounts of freedom it can lead to less productively outside the realms of travel. When I was employed full time, I would read a book a week, exercise fairly frequently, do yoga, cook for pleasure, write, ponder. But when you’re away there is always something travel related to do and see. Here you are in an amazing country, with a certain amount of time and money at your disposal and of course you want to experience as much as you can. As a result, these every day non-travel-related pleasures fall down the priority list but they are soooo important.

When I was in Rajasthan, I popped my headphones in on the drive back to the hostel and listened to music. I told those around me that I wasn’t trying to be antisocial, I just couldn’t listen to the group chat anymore. My god it was bliss. I realised I hadn’t done it in so long that I had forgotten what a pleasure it was. I instantly relaxed and felt like I’d finally given myself some me time. Similarly, the 24 hour bus rides in South America are actually a great time to switch off and just be...

I recently spent three days in El Calafate waiting for a bus to Bariloche (they were all full when I went to book initially – boo) and it was lovely. At first the delay was annoying but without it, I wouldn’t have given myself time to read a book by one of my favourite authors, or practice my French and Spanish. I’ve been off work for 6 months and have read fewer books than ever before and you know what? I miss it! It’s something that relaxes me and I’ve failed to give myself that time – as so many do.

My point is, as per the quote above, it’s so important not to get swept up in the journey and remember that you are still an individual with other needs and things that bring you joy and comfort. Travel may be important for your growth and wellbeing, but it is not the only important thing. Give yourself and break. Read that novel, book that private room for a night, listen to those songs, politely decline that conversation and just breathe in every once in a while. You’ll feel good for it I promise.