nobody sees the glass in your bag...

...behind the scenes of female solo travel.

Have you ever looked on various ‘influencer’ websites or Instagram accounts and thought that solo travel looks too easy? That the girls doing it must be of a certain mindset to be able to go out there on their own with no fear? That they are ‘brave’? And that maybe you are just not as ‘brave’/’fearless’/’capable’? I can imagine you have, because recently, I found myself in the same position – in awe of a fellow female solo traveller. But, like so many things you see online, it turns out I didn’t know the full story.

Vanessa and I met at Viajero Hostel in Buenos Aires (a great place to stay with the added benefit of an awesome pool!). Independently we were joining a larger group of solo travellers we’d met to go for dinner together in Palermo.

Vanessa mentioned she was going to a Bachata and Salsa club that night, and that she had previously been to one alone – I instantly jumped at the chance to join her for two reasons; 1. I love being flung around a dance floor (even though I can’t technically ‘dance’) 2. I didn’t have the balls to go to a club alone. Just a few days before I’d messaged my home-girls on our WhatsApp group pondering how to immerse myself in a wonderful city that never sleeps, without putting myself in danger late at night.

Vanessa and I went to the club, danced until 4am and also decided to go to Montevideo in Uruguay together a few days later. Whilst having dinner in Montevideo, I told Vanessa how inspirational she is. Not only is she 24, speaks 5 languages, is about to start a PhD, has lived all over the world and is a dancing dream but I really admired her ‘bravery’ for going to a club alone, knowing I didn’t feel I could.

What followed was a very interesting conversation. Vanessa blushed, leaned across the table and said “Girl, stop it! That’s not true and also, can I tell you something? I had so many things in my bag to protect myself, it’s unreal”. It turns out that the night Vanessa went dancing alone, she too had felt the same sense of unease that had stopped me going. When we ventured to the clubs together she wore dresses, but when she went alone she wore the baggiest clothes she could find in her suitcase.

She also made sure she took a pair of flat shoes with her (in addition to her dancing heels) to wear to and from the club, knowing that she could run faster in them if she had to.

And that’s not all, people mocked her for the size of her bag but what they didn’t know was that it was packed full of things she could use in an emergency to defend herself – for example, a glass and a glass bottle.

Obviously neither she or I are condoning violence/carrying ‘weapons’, and thankfully she has never had to utilise the contents of her bag, but what her revelation showed me was how easy it is to view something from the outside and assume others are not going through the same hesitations as you. Instagram and social media channels show you the final product but behind the scenes, people are taking steps to adjust and navigate new situations all the time, in order to explore or expand their comfort zones. Vanessa adapted her behaviour to try to feel ‘safe’ whilst not sacrificing her experience.

We spent our time in Buenos Aires hitting the dancing clubs together in various parts of the city. If Instagram were to be believed at face value, we simply got dressed, put some make up on, hit the club and danced the night away without a care in the world. Nah…simply not true. We always got an Uber together or texted each other to say when we were on our way. We always arranged a time to meet. We always arranged a place to meet - at the entrance or by the bar. We always got the Wifi code as soon as we arrived. We always put our bags together in a safe place. We watched our drinks and we made sure we told each other if we’re going home separately.

When Vanessa was unwell one night, I decided to hit a club on my own for the first time. I had a great time, people were generally lovely, I danced with loads of men, I felt ‘safe’ and I am so glad I went but equally…I was nervous. I told the hostel staff where I was going and when to expect me back, I got an Uber (considered to be safer than the local taxis), I asked for the Wifi as soon as I arrived (only to find they didn’t have any), I watched my drink all night, I watched my bag all night, I felt very uncomfortable when one man got too close and kept asking me to dance again - I left earlier than I would have liked as a result. Thankfully one of the men I had danced with a few times came outside with me and let me hotspot from his mobile data to order an Uber home.

As I continued to venture to clubs alone (after Vanessa left), I felt far more confident – I knew people there, I was recognised and acknowledged amongst the crowd (a good thing should anything have happened to me – which it did), and I felt I had a community around me that I could call on if needed. That said, I never packed anything in my bag that I couldn’t afford to lose and I was naturally cautious – always ensuring my phone and credit card were in my pocket.

This is just one story of how women travelling alone behave ‘behind the scenes’, there are hundreds of examples hidden in the smallest pockets of even the most mundane, every day activities. So the next time you see female solo travellers having a great time, know that it is real but their enjoyment is just one piece of the puzzle. To get there they have also experienced the natural hesitations that come with it, exercised common sense and implemented safety precautions where necessary and possible along the way.

xx